Misunderstandings frequently starts fights. A combination of understanding and acceptance is what ends them.
“Why are we talking about this again!!!?” This question/comment is usually expressed out of fear and exhaustion, but greater understanding is still needed. That is why we need to keep talking.
if your goal is to prove that you’re right or for them to agree with you, you will always keep fighting. Ditch that idea right away!
Your partner, your loved one, they don’t have the same brain that you have. They think about things differently than you do. They have been watching different news sources than you’ve been watching, and you are not going to be able to necessarily change their mind. Changing their mind need not, and probably should not, be the goal.
A great goal to have for your conversation is this: understanding.
I would like to walk away with a better understanding of their thoughts and their ideas, and I would like them to walk away with a better understanding of where I’m coming from, if they are interested in understanding.
If not, at least I gain understanding. I gain, even if they do not.
Here’s the deal: we don’t hold hands with anyone at every single point. We can’t do it! Never will!
You will never find a person on this planet who sees everything the way you see it. And that has to be okay because it is a fact of life. But if we can find at least one point of connection, and maybe that’s even just in trying to understand, then we can connect on that goal!
So when you have an argument and go back to talk about it later, make sure you have it in your head ahead of time:
“I’m not trying to talk this thing to death until finally I have dominated you and you agree with me. No!! We are going to talk so we understand. And through our understanding, we might eventually find some other points of agreement. Or we may not, but at least we gain understanding. And that understanding has the power to once and for all end a fight.
Best wishes in love, faith and life!
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