So you’ve had a fight with your loved one. It’s over now but you may still want to bring it up. It feels still unresolved. But you are not sure you should….
Rule of Thumb: lf it happens again, are you going to get upset again? If it happens again, do you know what to do? Do you have a new solution? If you don’t, then you guys are not done talking about it!
How to Bring it Up: Decide to bring it up but not to prove your point.
Step 1: Find out where the person is at now. Maybe they’ve gained some clarity. Maybe they have some regrets. Or maybe they’ve given it no thought. But if you don’t ask, you won’t know.
“Do you have any new thoughts or ideas since we argued?”
Here’s the deal: when we get really upset, we don’t think very straight. When all the adrenaline comes down and the heart rate comes down….when we’ve had some time to rest, we may actually have some regrets about what our words and/or actions. And if we shared those FIRST, we’ve got a chance to truly work things out.
But if you just come out again saying things like, “You know I thought it was really disrespectful…what you said or did!” That is sure to lead to another ineffective fight.
Instead, find out if they have any new thoughts or ideas. And be sure to find some new, more hopeful thoughts or ideas of our own to share with them. Again, it sounds something along the lines of, “What are you thinking now that we had a little time to cool off regarding our last argument?”
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