While we are a deeply divided nation when it comes to things like politics, I do believe we are quite united in the desire to return to a time in our history when people got along better. Slowing down to take charge of ourselves before replying is a must if we want to maintain any meaningful relationships. https://lastinglove.us/products/why-i-need-space
It would seem the game of who’s up and who’s down is addictive and being played by many, as if it is a real life version of Candy Crush. This game called, “I’m Better Than You Because ______” is a high stakes, fast paced game where the loudest and most entertaining “wins” and leaves with their self-esteem artificially inflated while those around them appear small and must recover somehow, if even by taking the first punch next time. It’s an awful way to spend the holidays, which traditionally had been about gratitude, love, connection, and faith.
I hear a wide range of things from individuals to whom I listen. I hear things such as, “I could never sit down at a meal or welcome into my house someone who would vote the way they voted.” I also hear things like, “I would be happy to sit down with someone who thinks differently than me or voted differently that I did, but I am hoping to change their mind.” It is rare to hear, “I’m hoping to grow and change.” I am not saying there isn’t a place for trying to help someone see the error of their ways, but do you really think that moment is going to happen at the Thanksgiving table?
This holiday season I want to encourage us to attend family and friend gatherings with an attitude of listening not to prove that we are right or better but just to understand and connect. We can use our active listening skills to convey that we are in fact listening:
1) Paraphrase or repeat back to the person what they just said before you add your two cents.
2) Ask curious questions that starts with “what” or “how”. Example: “What was it like for you when ____________ happened?”
3) Say something positive and encouraging. It doesn’t matter if 99.9% of what they just said is nonsense to you. Start at the point of agreement. “I cannot agree with you that the sky is purple with the gray polkadots; but I do think this sky is interesting…”
The truth is what we really need is to slow down and so that we can process through all of our feelings, thoughts, ideas, and beliefs so we can come to the best decision about what we want to say or do next.
I have created a graphic to visually show how much information needs to be processed before we best say something or make our next move. It’s quite a bit to sort through!
Let’s slow down enough to crunch all of the data (and our food!) before we open our mouths and say something ineffective and counter productive!
Happy holidays!
Here’s a link to: Why I Need Space
